Sometimes you just see things that make you laugh ...
Q: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN AN ANIMAL HAS RIGHTS?
A: THE GENERAL RULE IS AS FOLLOWS:
IF AN ANIMAL IS RARE, PRETTY, BIG, CUTE, FURRY,
HUGGABLE, OR LOVEABLE, THEN IT HAS RIGHTS.
Examine the following:
RIGHTS | NO RIGHTS
Cows | Cockroaches
Cute Bunnies | Flies
Dolphins in Tuna | Tuna in Tuna Nets
Whales | Sharks
Red Squirrels | Grey Squirrels
Owls | Loggers
Seals | Barnacles
PC Terms:
GENDER
(PC people don't like the word "sex" as it has confusing connotations)
Woman - Womyn, Vaginal-English
Girl - Pre-Womyn
Housewife - Domestic Engineer
Fireman - Fire-fighter
Stewardess - Flight Attendant
Meter Maid - Parking Enforcement Adjudicator
Post Man - Post Person
Mail Man - Person Person
Policeman - Law Enforcement Officer
Prostitute - Sex Surrogate
(Teen Victim. See: Broken Home)
Mankind, Human - Earth Children
PEOPLE : SUBGROUPS
Handicapped - Physically Challenged, Differently Abled
Blind - Optically Darker, Photonically Non-receptive
Deaf - Visually Oriented
Poor - Economically Unprepared
Bum - Homeless Person, Displaced Homeowner, Arts Graduate
Hunter - Animal Assassin, Meat Mercenary, Bambi Butcher
Whaler - Blubber Lovers
Old Person / Elderly - 4th-Dimentionally Extended, Gerontologically Advanced
Conservative - Right Wing Extremist Fascist Pig
Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged
Bald - Comb-Free
Queer - Lesbian or Gay
Midget, Dwarf - Little People, Vertically Challenged
Convict - Socially Separated
Insane People - Selectively Perceptive, Mental Explorers
Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability
Logger - Wood Weasel, Paper Pirate, Tree slayer
Dead People - Biologically Challenged, Metaphysically Challenged
MISCELLANEOUS
Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family
Cattle Ranch - Cattle Concentration Camp (CCC)
Senile - Alzheimer's Victim
Ghetto/Barrio - (EHA) Ethnically Homogenous Area, Pre-Integrated Pre-Nirvana
Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh (SMAF)
Cheeseburger - Adding Insult to Injury
Cheating (in School) - Academic Dishonesty
Used Books - Recycled Books
Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units
Gang - Youth Group
Drunk - Spatially Perplexed
Slum - (EOZ) Economic Oppression Zone
Delicatessen - Corpse Farm, Charnel House
Obese - People of Mass,Gravitationally Challenged
andrea_shuck@hotmail.com
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7/19/03