"We don't want the word 'practice' to be quite so literal."
~Dr. Vivrette, on doing an internship after graduation from vet school and before starting a solo practice
"Think of it as a lifestyle, not as a job."
~Dr. Carter Judy, on equine medicine
"Those that have the highest standards and do things the right way are doctors of veterinary medicine."
~Dr. Marsha Heinke
"You find things hard to do unless you know what they look like. And that's what mentors are for: to show you what it looks like."
~Dr. Andy Clark
"This is a horse business, but you need the people too, because the horses don't have too many bank accounts."
~Dr. Larry Bramladge, on the importance of people skills
“There is no way you can get that thing out unless you do a hemi-dog-ectomy.”
~Dr. Couto, on removing an exceptionally large skin tumor
“If intelligence doesn’t work, scare ‘em out of stupidity.”
~Dr. Threlfall, on clients
On anabolic steroids to control estrus in a mare
Question from the class: “Isn’t that show illegal?”
Dr. Threlfall: “Hey, this is the horse industry!”
“Be smart, not politically correct.”
~Dr. Threlfall
“I haven’t seen one yet, and I’ve been around as long as dirt.”
~Dr. Threlfall, on cystic ovaries in mares
“What’s another word for ‘derived’? ‘Made up’.”
~Dr. Muir
“If the patient’s dead, he wants to be dead. I’m not god.”
~Dr. Skarda, on resuscitation methods
"Imagine having hair follicles on your ovary. That would tickle your innards."
~Dr. Anderson, on ovarian teratomas
“If you want to see something entertaining, put an electroejaculator up the butt of a mature male llama, and get out of the way.”
~Dr. Anderson
“This is an example of papillomas gone wild. I think there’s a video out like that.”
~Dr. Rings
“Did you know that you get paid to do things wrong in veterinary medicine?”
~Dr. Threlfall
“There should be a fee for being stupid.”
~Dr. Threlfall
“The styrofoam cup is the most commonly used collection receptacle for dog semen in the world.”
~Dr. Threlfall
“If you’re in Gahanna and a lion comes up …”
~Dr. Frazer, on stress responses
“How do they come up with these names? They probably have a few drinks and spin the bottle.”
~Dr. Frazer, on the various names of the strains of Leptospirosis
“’What’s the best wound medication?’ is like saying ‘what’s they best surgery to do on a dog?’”
~Dr. Warren Beard
“Horses get wounds because they do stupid things, and they don’t profit from the experience so they’re just as likely to do it again.”
~Dr. Warren Beard
“This is generally a Yorkshire terrier or a Chihuahua that’s been tormenting a Rottweiler.”
~Dr. Dyce, on classic BDLD resulting in flail chest
“If you hit a duck at this range, there’d be very little duck left.”
~Dr. Dyce, on close range shotgun GSW’s
“These are both pit bulls – excuse me ‘American Staffordshire Terriers’ – that both live in a rough part of Columbus – probably near campus – in houses that deal in the trading of herbal supplements.”
~Dr. Dyce, during a gunshot wound lecture
“As with a lot of gun shot wounds whether animal or person, he’s a male intact, and looking for love.”
~Dr. Dyce, on a recovering beagle
“Keeping with orthopedic principles, on the radiograph you should see more metal than bone.”
~Dr. Anderson
“Here’s a couple of North American white cockatoos.”
~Dr. Slemons, pointing to a picture of some chickens
“Pygmy marmosets tend to stress out when you grab them, and by ‘stress out’ I mean heart attack.”
~Dr. Berrie
“It’s good that rodents don’t produce gallons of urine.”
~Dr. Burton, on the prevalence of Leptospirosis among rodents in the wild
“I think it’s important to know that it doesn’t take too many maggots to kill a duck.”
~Dr. Burton, on the fact that 2-4 maggots can kill a duck w/type C botulism
“Unlike we like to teach you in vet school, neonates are actually born on their own.”
~Dr. Anderson
"You can't have a party with a dog with a tumor like that."
~Dr. Birchard, on owners not bringing in their pets with tumors until they're "socially unacceptable"
"Some people get a little freaked out when they see a biopsy sample that's looking at you."
~Dr. Birchard, on a periorbital resection (complete with eye)
“It’s amazing how well animals seem to do with removal of some major body parts.”
~Dr. Birchard
“I don’t think you even have to write that down, ‘it can’t be good to remove the sciatic nerve’.”
~Dr. Birchard
“Ok, everybody with me say ‘oh my god.’ Ok, now everybody say with me ‘holy shit!’”
~Dr. Birchard, on a picture of a huge brain tumor on a dog
“This tumor is causing amazing attenuation of the dog's brain, in other words it’s squashed the shit out of it.”
~Dr. Birchard
“Dog’s don’t need much of a brain to be a pet.”
~Dr. Birchard
“The head is the biting end of the snake.”
~Dr. Mike Renner
“All they are is a suped up starling”
~Dr. Slemons, on Mynah birds
“I under no circumstances condone eating in this room,
but if you’re going to do it, for the love of God please do it discretely.”
~Chas McBrien
“We’re small potatoes when it comes to veterinary medicine.”
~Dr. James Robertson, on surgery technology in vet med vs. human med
“That’s also a fantasy trip there.”
~Dr. James Robertson, on not breaking sterile technique during surgery
“I think the half life of these things is about 3 weeks once you get them home”
~Dr. Barrie, on pet iguanas
“Why are animals bred at this age? Because they’re LOSERS!”
~Dr. Walter Threlfall, on people breeding yearling/2-year old horses
“Winking. What is winking? Well it has nothing to do with their eyes.”
~Dr. Walter Threlfall, on estrus behavior in mares
“Ponies work well. They’re cheap and they’re dispensable,
and they’re generally short enough they don’t reach their target."
~Dr. Walter Threlfall, on teasing mares with pony stallions
“When ponies get kicked by mares they have a tendency to roll, several times.”
~Dr. Walter Threlfall
“I’m here to tell you that there are fat and sassy dogs with chronic renal failure.”
~Dr. DiBartola, debunking the myth that all dogs in CRF are thin with poor hair coats
“To him, PTH is the leader of the evil empire.”
~Dr. DiBartola, on Dr. Nagode’s belief in parathyroid hormone in the role of renal failure
“Back when I was in vet school, people called us ‘Red Hots’.”
~Dr. DiBartola, on people that actually *studied* in vet school
“Little snowflakes mean omega.”
~Dr. Dibartola, on the powerpoint
inserting snowflakes where
there were supposed to be omegas
“I am a prostaglandin idiot.”
~Dr. DiBartola
“Here’s the snowflake 3 amigos”
~Dr. Dibartola
“Little people use big words, but all of the big things in life are four-letter words.”
~Dr. DiBartola
“I love students like that that still have common sense, ones that we haven’t beat it out of them yet!”
~Dr. DiBartola
“By the way this cat is not waving at you, he’s trying to kill you.”
~Dr. DiBartola
“Getting a handle on the penis is not always so easy.”
~Dr. Chew
“Working hard and sweating”
“massage the penis”
“feather touch technique”
~Words said by Dr. Chew during his urinary catheterization lecture
“It’s important to pull the penis as far back as you can”
~Dr. Chew, on catheterizing a male cat
“Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication”
~Dr. Chew, on urinary catheters
“Don’t get too aggressive when holding the penis”
~Dr. Chew, again, on urinary catheterization
“If he doesn’t pee like crazy he’s gonna’ die.”
~Dr. Chew, on a recently unobstructed blocked cat
"This is, well, this is an aerial view of Atlantic City, but who cares, right?"
~Dr. Weisbrode, gesturing to a random histopath slide
"Drive it in through the same hole, in a different direction."
~Dr. Weisbrode, talking about lord knows what
"That’s massive damage to the organ 'muscle' – what do I mean?"
~Dr. Weisbrode, on the necrosis of muscle in a downer cow
"Let’s rack that up in mag."
~Dr. Weisbrode, in path-speak, to go to a higher magnification of a slide
"This looks like a mushroom.
It looks like something you’d find on the beach.
Yeah, a mushroom on the beach—-now I’m mixing my metaphors.
I guess it depends on which beach you go to ..."
~Dr. Weisbrode, on a gross path specimin
"Ringers is the granddaddy of them all."
~Dr. Chew, on Lactated Ringer's Solution
"If you do their head may blow up. Well not ‘blow up,’ but get edematous."
~Dr. Chew, on causing a jugular thrombosis in both jugular veins in a horse
"How much metabolic screw-up’ed-ness is present in this sample?"
~Dr. Bateman, on working acid/base disturbance problems
"You can explain a heck of a lot with this system."
~Dr. Bateman on the CO2/Bicarb buffering system
"And look it’s our old friends the scissors back again."
~Dr. Bateman, on the power point screwing up
and inserting random scissors graphics in all his charts
“When they show up they don’t have a red flashing R on their foreheads”
~Dr. Schmall, on horses with rabies
“Don’t just stand there and take the brain out of the horse in the field.”
~Dr. Schmall, on horses with rabies
“In the next year the virus said ‘to hell with that’ and spread across the country”
~Dr. Schmall, on the defiance of the epidemiologists’ theory on how WNV would spread after its discovery in NYC
“If I have to run out there every 4 or 5 hours and give their horse fluids, they’re gonna’ pay.”
~Dr. Schmall
“… or we could just quit, and you could go have a cup of coffee and diurese”
~Dr. DiBartola
“There’s a lot of gas available, it’s free – so that’s what we use to do negative contrast.”
~Dr. Drost (on why we don’t use fat for negative contrast studies in the urinary bladder)
“Practice tip, don’t take out both kidneys.”
~Dr. Drost
“If you have a good imaginoscope, and arrows on your machine.”
~Brandy, looking at radiographs of increased bladder wall thickness with arrows pointing out the margins.
“Keep in mind that Chihuahuas are considered dogs.”
~Dr. Drost, on the variation of renal size in dogs
“Apparently they get set back if they fall in.”
~Dr. DiBartola on toilet training cats
“The older I get the more I need to go into the emptying phase.”
~Dr. DiBartola, on the filling and emptying phases of the bladder
“If you drink 5 cups of coffee, and take a nap, and don’t wake up, readily, you very well may pee yourself.”
Dr. Chew
“Oh what happened to Nephroman? Oh my god!”
~Dr. DiBartola
“You pull back the spring and cock it, and it’s ready to biopsy everything in its path”
~Dr. DiBartola, on a nice biopsy instrument
“The whole question of evil is something that’s been on my mind, for a long time”
~Dr. Di Bartola
“They’re both going forward, Adam, damnit.”
~Dr. Nagode – on running the power point presentation
“And then we have diffuse edema, which is rare as hen’s teeth.”
~Dr. Nagode, on diffuse hyperemia of the kidney
“We love lepto.”
~Dr. Chew, commenting that almost 2/3 of all
lepto cases survive, as opposed to other urinary disorders with worse outcomes
“Don’t let small children crawl behind urinating dogs.”
~Dr. Chew, on prevention of spread of lepto
“The GI tract works better when there’s stuff going into it.”
~Dr. Hill
“Half of what we teach you at vet school is wrong, we just don’t know what half yet.”
~Dr. Hill
“Most of your patients in small animal do no work what so ever.”
~Dr. Hill
“The nice thing about being a nutrition doctor is that you rarely have an emergency.”
~Dr. Hill
“Dentistry is kind of like ophthalmology, but it’s not as brainy.”
~Dr. Klein
“How many of you have a spin brush? How many of you use a spin brush on your pet?”
~Dr. Klein
“No exam is complete without a rectal exam, at least in my world.”
~Dr. Sue Johnson
“This’ll kill you dead!”
~Dr. Nagode, on acute hemorrhagic Pancreatitis
“’Tissue juice,’ what in the hell does that mean?”
~Dr. Nagode
“I thought that for years, then I realized that some people are just rat-bastards.”
~Dr. Nagode, on his thinking that every problem in the world is a failure to communicate
“Here’s a liver, hey! There’s an increased focus of necrosis!”
~Dr. Nagode
“We have loss of detail, plus there’s no one living here anymore.”
~Dr. Green, on interpreting abdominal radiographs
with caudal displacement of the organs
“Onto my favorite subject, ‘loss of serosal detail.’”
~Dr. Green
“I have 5 things on my list, because I have 5 fingers on one hand.
I use the other hand for pointing. I can condense anything into a list of 5 –- try me”
~Dr. Green
“With the lateral medial shot, you’re putting the plate in the groin area of the horse and some don’t like that. Drugs are our friends.”
~Dr. Samii
“Bone is a fiber mesh with cement poured on top.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“If we decide that we’re going to destroy this wall—no wait, that’s a bad example.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“If this was a sexually mature pig only 2% of its tibia is osteonized. Now had it been a racing pig, or working pig …”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“I can say the words, but I just don’t know what they mean.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“Animals don’t seem to die on a level plane, they go downhill and die.
Sometimes there’s a little bump at the end, and then they go downhill and then up and die.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“Don’t get hung up right now, this is just for entertainment.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“This is like looking down onto the top of Krakowka’s head.”
~Dr. Weisbrode, on showing a degenerative femoral head at the eburnation stage
“Obviously I know what I’m talking about.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“The fibrin is boingy.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“If they watch it, it’ll float to the bottom.”
~Dr Weisbrode, on dropping a suppurative uterine biopsy into a biopsy container
“What do you know about being green? It’s not easy.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“I mean, it’s a sock with two buttons on it.”
~Dr. Weisbrode, on how Kermit the frog has spanned so many generations
“Now let’s look at the videotape.”
~Dr. Weisbrode, pointing to a gross section of bone on a still slide
“You’ll get a whole batch of birds with bowed legs”
~Dr. Weisbrode, on vitamin D deficiency in chickens
“Look how sexy these look, nice and tapered.”
~Dr. Weisbrode, on nicely tapered bird legs (as compared to the rickets legs)
“That dog is dead. I repeat, that dog is dead.”
~Dr. Weisbrode, on a dog with a severe facial deformity
“Not beef farts, beef hearts. The other stuff wouldn’t sell as well.”
~Dr. Weisbrode, on the Armor meat co selling beef hearts as puppy food
“We think this is like the man, or woman, wearing a high heeled shoe.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“The good lord gave you two limbs so that when one is injured you have another one to look at.”
~Dr. Anderson
“If this pig was into ballet or something, or vaulting, or some guy’s driving around with his pig in his convertible and it jumps out ...”
~Dr. Weisbrode, on OCDs in pigs
“OCD seems to be in the animals that we’ve diddled with the most.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“Well again, I’m having a good time and I don’t care if you’re not.”
~Dr Weisbrode, digressing on Dave Barry’s idea of “talk like a pirate day”
“We don’t have too many deep sea diving dogs.”
~Dr. Weisbrode
“Let’s eat you out and put bone back.”
~Dr. Weisbrode, on remodeling of bone
“If you did this to a horse it’d be dead.”
~Dr. Samii
“With cats, if you put the broken bones in the same room, they’ll heal.”
~Dr. Samii
“I thought we had already determined that the general populace are idiots...I mean if we are in the top 10% of the populace...what hope is there for everyone else?”
~Brandy Snedden
"There are 20 of you prolapsers out there ... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!"
~Dr. Bonagura, addressing the class, on the prevalence of mitral valve prolapse
among young healthy young people
"I'm not an obscene phone-caller, I get all my jollies right here."
~Dr. Bonagura, after demonstrating what a heart murmur
sounds like by breathing loudly into the mic
"They've done those studies! Those kids who played the oboe in 4th grade make better ascultators."
~Dr. Bonagura
"It's not just dry, it's deadly! It's like sleeping gas coming out of my mouth. I'm even falling asleep!"
~Dr. Bonagura, on cardiac drugs
"Is your skin tighter on your legs or your brisket? If you were a cow."
~Dr. Bonagura
"A dilated heart is an unhappy heart."
~Dr. Bonagura
"When an animal develops heart disease, it rarely just drops dead."
~Dr. Bonagura
"Because you're a veterinarian you'll jerry-rig it, since it's made for people."
~Dr. Bonagura, on blood pressure measuring devices
"The reason that at one week of age your lungs don't fill up like a sandbox?
It's that pulmonary clearance mechanism."
~Dr. Stromberg
"Impairment of the normal function of the reproductive system.
Late on a Saturday night for you guys, may seem like a life-threatening problem ... but it's not."
~Dr. Stromberg, explaining the imporance of proper respiratory system function
"Think of an escalator ... then cover it with fly paper."
~Dr. Stromberg, on the mucociliary escalator system in the trachea
"Stromberg's rule of respiratory secretions: if it's not clear, it's bad."
~Dr. Stromberg
"Inflammation doesn't spontaneously generate in the tidal volume."
~Dr. Stromberg
"You obstruct the trachea and what have you got? About 2 minutes."
~Dr. Stromberg
"Frogs may breathe through their skin, but you don't,
unless you've been smoking dubies. Hey, I was alive in the 60's."
~Dr. Stromberg
"They're like you guys after a Michigan Game. They tip some cars and burn a sofa."
~Dr. Stromberg, on the activity of a large quantity of neutrophils and macrophages in the lungs
"This is a double inguinal ringer!!"
~Dr. Stromberg, on horse lungs filled with fluid
"Everyone remembers 'intercostal spaces,' it's what you eat at the City BBQ.
And you know that stuff you peel off the back? Yup, that's the pleura."
~Dr. Olson
"These lecture titles are a definite maybe."
~Dr. Olson
"Can you drown a baby? Yes!--No! You can drown a baby, but you may not".
~Dr. Olson
"I'm still waiting for the test where one of the answers is, 'Fuck, I don't know'."
~Dave Smith, after the Neurology Final
"Why are we the only ones without bubble sheets?"
~David Smith (as Dr. Masty dims the lights before our anatomy exam)
"You'll never treat a worm--I don't think ..."
~Dr. James DeWille
"These are normal healthy cats, if there is such a thing as normal healthy cats."
~Dr. James DeWille
"It's like PVC tube, whatever that is."
~Dr. James DeWille, on GLUT2 Transporters
"They're the traffic and parking people of metabolism."
~Dr. James DeWille, on Ketones
"We don't need no stinkin' evolution anymore because we have transgenic animals now, and we can do anything we want!"
~Dr. James DeWille
"Not only was the world shocked, but Mr. Dolly's Mother was also shocked. There was a lot of explanations needed."
~Dr. James DeWille, on the first cloned sheep
"I'm setting a bad example. I'll set a good example all next week and tomorrow."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks, on having an 'illegal beverage container' in the lecture hall
"I love my colleagues too, when they go away and leave these things on.
Nothing pisses me off more than technical incompetence."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks, after having found out the cordless microphone
had a dead battery from being left on all night
"So what prevents edema from happening? It's not support stockings, it's albumin!"
~Dr. Chuck Brooks
"Now my favorites are fats and carbohydrates, but try as I might I still eat some proteins."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks
"If you have a hard time thinking of what triglygerides look like, just look at Dr. Nagode."
~Dr. Nagode
"The endlessly exciting field of teaching. There's always something you find you screw up.
~Dr. Nagode
"Never kiss your honey when your nose is runny.
You may think it's funny,
but it's snot."
~Dr. Nagode
"Even adders can multiply on a log table,"
~Dr. Olson
"It's kinda like pouring hot water on a cold windshield ... how many of you have done that?
~Dr. Mattoon
"Did you guys get a lecture on chimpanzees aspirating screws?"
~Dr. Mattoon
"I had one just blow up on my desk. It wasn’t very nice."
~Dr. Mattoon, on balloons filled with vegetable oil
"You'll make sure you keep them clean, and don't spill Coke in them and stuff."
~Dr. Mattoon, on the proper care of film cassettes and intensifying screens
"And I missed the eclipse, because I was a nerd!
I was a pre-vet guy. I got an A on that test.
I was pretty happy about that."
~Dr. Mattoon, on being the only one in his class
to take an exam instead of going outside to watch a solar eclipse
"This is like one of those electric dog fences, you can't move.
~Dr. Mattoon, on having to speak at the fixed mic at the podium
"We're going to spend a little time talking with you, you know, about 'What is a cow?'"
~Dr. Masterson
"It's kind of like having a baby--backwards."
~Dr. Masterson, on prolapsed uteruses
"Dead things tend to get their attention."
~Dr. Masterson, on farmers
"For those of you who are geographically challenged, this is Ohio."
~Dr. Wittum, in his intro to the Wooster Day field trip
"Change is a must. You can be an architect of change, or you can be a victim of it."
~Dr. Inpanbutr
"If you think it's difficult to say, wait 'till you learn this class."
~Dr. Inpanbutr, on pronouncing her name
"Some people can do that trick voluntarily. Don't show it here. It might not be pleasant for your friends."
~Dr. Inpanbutr, on tongue gymnastics
"Do I hear something? Like a pin drop?"
~Dr. Inpanbutr (after telling a not-so-funny story to the class)
"...Which is very kinky. Maybe to you. To me, it's ok."
~Dr. Inpanbutr, on the pelvic region
"Get out in the sun, guys!"
~Dr. Inpanbutr, after announcing that Vitamin D decreases the risk of prostate cancer
"When I say humerus I mean femur. Where's your sense of humor?"
~Dr. Inpanbutr
"I said, 'how is the car?' The car probably spent a whole day at the shop.
I just gave the dog a shot of pain killer and sent it home."
~Dr. Reiswig, after seeing a Rottweiler
that was hit by a car and thrown 10-20 yards
that had one scratch on his head
Because Dr. Fenner is retiring, before his last K9 Anatomy Clinical Correlations lecture, Dr. Inpanbutr gave him an apple.
Dr. Inpanbutr: "An apple from an evil stepmother?"
Dr. Fenner: "Well, if I eat and fall into a coma,
we'll have to find the most handsome person here
to kiss me to wake me up."
"The only way a Chihuahua has a chance of restitution on the Great Dane is if the Great Dane eats him and chokes on him."
~Dr. Birchard, on BDLD (Big Dog Little Dog) encounters
"You've chosen a profession where bizarre things happen."
~Dr. Birchard, on veterinary Medicine
"I would prefer you call me a 'rear admiral' rather than a rump surgeon."
~Dr. Smeak
"What does M stand for? It’s a tricky one, it's not 'Mattoon'."
~Dr. Mattoon, on M-mode ultrasound
"That's the whole key to this education thing. Not to forget things."
~Dr. Mattoon
"You can't image a horse abdomen [with CT], he just doesn't fit. Unless you lube him really, really well, and push."
~Dr. Sami
"You're now realizing that some people call this 'unclear medicine'."
~Dr. Drost, on nuclear imaging
"Generally people aren't lining up to be in experiments on radiation."
~Dr. Green
"If you live in Denver, you'll be exposed to more cosmic rays than if you live in beautiful, sunny Columbus."
~Dr. Green
"They make fancy holders for cassettes. It’s called a bale of hay."
~Dr. Green, on equine radiology
"Wilhelm Freund, who was a German ... he was a German. Good people those Germans."
~Dr. Green
"Can they neigh after surgery? They can, but they'll sound a little hoarse."
~Dr. Masty, on surgical correction of "roaring" in horses
"Dogs do quite well with no cerebral cortex whatsoever."
~Dr. Krakowka
"Did you study Greek philosophy?
You didn't, since you all want to be veterinarians in an intellectual vacuum.
I know it bores you, but it's neat to me."
~Dr. Krakowka, on the latin definition of inflammation
"In addition to no Spongebob on the TV in your hut in Africa or China or whatever,
you can expect the fun of getting hepatocellular carcinoma."
~Dr. Krakowka
"I know the confusing parts because I've been confusing people for many years."
~Dr. Mathes
"2B or not 2B. I'm sorry, it's Friday."
~Dr. Larimore, on Canine Parvovirus subtypes 2A and 2B
"I'm hoping to come up with the Lairmore test, but I haven't done that yet. Look for that in the future."
~Dr. Larimore, after discussing the Coggins test
"Pigs in general seem to have a lot of mysterious pig diseases."
~Dr. Larimore
"You should know how to identify the species of animal by now."
~Dr. Rikihisa
"When we remove our clothes, we are naked, but we are not dead."
~Dr. Rikihisa
"OK, bone -- it's a hard subject. Ha!"
~Dr. Weisbrode
"What's the difference between an apple and a computer? Sorry, that's a bad example."
~Dr. Weisbrode
"I want you to think about greyhounds and dachshunds running."
~Dr. Stromberg
"I think you should take this test as if it were an absolute bastard,
because that's the way to take everything."
~Dr. Nagode
"Brain is 2% body weight and 15% energy consumer at rest.
For some people it's less. For some people it's more."
~Dr. Oglesbee
"How many of you watched the biography of Napoleon last night?
How many of you watched Cher’s last concert?"
~Dr. Fenner (the latter question got a larger response)
"I think the Grand Plan is really cool, but this one I just don't understand.
That has to be an embryonic afterthought."
~Dr. Oglesbee, on the recurrent laryngeal nerve
"We're going to put the 'fun' in dysfunctional."
~Dr. Wagner
"If you run or swim or lift weights or lift beer mugs ... that's exercise, too."
~Dr. Brooks
"I found that a good, stiff martini, at least for me, had more effect than melatonin."
~Dr. Capen
"I forget what nerves are in the back legs. It's not oculomotor, is it?"
~Dr. DiBartola
"You ever metacarpus you didn't like?"
~Dr. Masty
"We don't see many cows in the Kentucky Derby. They're dying in the first turn."
~Dr. Rings
"The alpaca was last in line for everything."
~Dr. Rings, referring to the fact
that llamas have small testicles,
and their only means of defense is spitting
"I'm going to level with you because you don't owe me money yet."
~Joseph Patchen, Lawyer
Barabra Zinn: "[The Clients] are a little intimidated because you have so much knowledge.
They think you have so much knowledge."
Andrea Shuck: "We've got them fooled!"
"Horses are queer for a number of reasons."
~Dr. Mike Oglesbee
"'Anencaphaly'--no brain. You probably know some people with this condition
but never really knew what it looked like."
~Dr. Mike Oglesbee (showing a slide of a calf with anencehpaly)
"You have pyknosis, and you have kariorrhexis--which is the way I'm goin' out ... you just kind of explode."
~Dr. Mike Oglesbee
"If I lose 30% of my blood volume, is that serious, or not serious? I'd call it 'life threatening.'"
~Dr. Chuck Brooks
"Cows aren't dumb. They're stupid, but they're not dumb."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks
"Oh my God! I'm going out to get some duct tape and some plastic! ... And maybe some aluminum foil ..."
~Dr. Eric Green
(after listing all the various sources
of background radiation in our everyday lives)
"'Grow up and be a worm!' Sounds like something my dad told me once."
~Dr. Bill Stich
"If they weren't Latin, it wouldn't be science. They'd call it 'business' or something."
~David Smith, on learning parasite family names
"A pissed off pathologist is one thing. A bored pissed off pathologist is an entirely different animal."
~Dr. Krakowka, on lecturing "like a drone" from his notes at the podium
"Erectile tissues are rather boring."
~Dr. Rosol, on the histology of the reproductive system
"Anything goes, as long as you follow the rules."
~Dr. Mathes, on immunologic functions
(during a 2 hour review session)
"Were our atmospheric oxygen more than about 20% we'd see spontaneous combution of things."
~Dr. Stromberg
"If you're under five days of age, this virus'll rip you a new one."
~Dr. Mike Oglesbee, on Canine Herpes Virus
"'-opathy' means it's just screwed up."
~Dr. Mike Oglesbee, on disease processes
"The cell's not just laying on its back saying 'do me,' it's producing anti-viral compounds."
~Dr. Mike Oglesbee, on cellular defense mechanisms
"The scissors are the most versatile tool in your disection kit."
~A Really Bad Anatomy Lab Video
"Show me the bunny."
~David Smith
"Where is that lab teacher who spends equal time with each group?"
~David Smith
"I'm back, stronger than ever ... well atleast louder than ever."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks (after replacing the battery in the cordless microphone
and throwing the old battery across the room)
"In order for an enzyme to lower the activation energy ... it has to make a phone call."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks
"Trains run on time in Chuck's world."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks
"The rules are pretty simple, aren't they? Ah who cares."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks
"OK, today we're gonna'--holy shit I've done it again."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks
(after hitting the wrong button on the remote control)
"Too many buttons ... damn."
~Dr. Chuck Brooks
(trying to use the remote control)
"I don't know anything about large animals except that, well, they're really big."
~Dr. James DeWille
"You have to think today,
I have to think today,
We all have to think today:
What a sucky place."
~Sonya Orians (in Organic Chemistry class)
"This floor is right on the ground!"
~Dr. Sam Littlepage,Physics Professor
"A good vaccine should be easy to administer ... and if it's not easy then it should be fun!"
~Dr. C. Michael Kerns, DVM
"When your good work is speaking for itself, don't interrupt."
~Dr. C. Michael Kerns, DVM
"You can't trust a male of any species."
~Dr. C. Michael Kerns, DVM
"Good morning world, I LOVE CHEMISTRY!"
~Howard L. "Howie" Ballinger
"I'm a lover, not a dead hero."
~Howard L. "Howie" Ballinger
andrea_shuck@hotmail.com
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9/10/04